The Knightly Scroll

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Preview

Tim Tew, Multimedia

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“When I found you I saw raw, untamed, power and beyond that, something truly special.” -Snoke

To be honest that quote describes my feelings about this movie so far. Raw, untamed power, with something truly special. Yeah, sounds a lot like Star Wars. This Thursday we get to see power that we’ve only seen once before (a.k.a. in the 2000’s with the prequels). It didn’t scare us enough then- it does now.

Star Wars is, and always has been, the gold standard for how a franchise should be made (we’re ignoring the prequels for that statement). Star Wars 8 should be no different. I’m going to break down the trailer as briefly as I can. Here goes:

1st– Kylo standing in some sort of factory… My best guess is that this is Snoke’s main base or training facility??? Not really sure what to make of it. Also the eerie quote playing over the next few scenes I would assume is actually about Rey with regards to her force abilities and their confrontation (more on that later)

2nd– Some SWEEEEEEET new AT-AT style walkers with armor plating and a much sleeker design.

3rd– the ultimate hand-me-down. Unless Rey makes her own lightsaber that looks exactly like Luke’s old one… She definitely got to keep Luke’s.

4th– a montage of Rey’s training sequences with Luke standing in the background looking amazed (and terrified)

5th– Angry Kylo, doing angry Kylo things… like blow up his mom’s ship, smash his helmet, etc.

6th– PORG!!!! It’s like a tiny space penguin that screams in the cutest most hilarious way.

7th– Inevitable inspirational speech from Poe Damron about destroying the First Order.

8th– Finn/Phasma Fight Scene

9th– Wise old sage Luke- This is not going to go the way you think.

10th– Crystal Ice Foxes

And finally

11th– Snoke vs Rey confrontation with Snoke levitating Rey in some sort of painful force hold thingy.


My Takes:

What I don’t want to see:

  1. Any new romantic relationships. Han and Leia will do enough for me… oh wait…
  2. Whiny Luke- Luke wasn’t the most epic character in the universe at the start. He just wanted to go to the academy and get off of his uncle’s farm. So his way of proving he was mature enough- wine about everything!!!
  3. Medi-clorians. They’ve been dead since the prequels- let them stay that way.
  4. JAR JAR!!!


My Hopes and dreams:

  1. Epic fight scenes
  2. Jar Jar- I know, I said I didn’t want to see him in this movie, but I want him to show up in one capacity- to show his death. Let me get the gratification of seening that annoying space amphibian take a plasma blast to the chest.
  3. A scene with Luke training Rey and making references back to Yoda, (ie, “the one who trained me”, quoting Yoda, Riding in a backpack on Rey’s back…)
  4. Better choreography than the prequels had. The fight scenes in the prequels were notoriously bad, they were pitifully staged and I don’t want to see that sort of thing.


Possible Spoilers Lay Ahead——————————————————————————————————

Theories that make sense:

The switcharoo- Kylo will come back to the light, Rey will join the darkside.

Finn was a triple agent- He was sent to infiltrate the rebels and give them up to his superiors.

Finn is Lando’s son- This one makes a certain degree of sense because of the child kidnapping thing mentioned in 7. Unfortunately, Lando’s not set to make an appearance in this film.

Rey is a reincarnation- Of Anakin- ok no, I can’t accept that one. Of an original force user that helped formed the Jedi order and created a prophesy about the first being the last- Ok… I could work with that one.

Luke died- Luke died already and the only place that he can exist in physical form is on the super strong force sensitive world. That’s why no one could ever find him- he’s already dead, not hiding.

Porgs are a favorite- Food for Chewbacca. Yup, you read that right.


Craziest Theories I could Find on the Internet:

DJ is Ezra from Rebels- Dear lord, don’t let this one be true. DJ is a new hacker, Ezra is a jediish kid. Please don’t try to shoehorn in rebels just to try to make it more canonical.

Snoke is Both Anakin and Rey’s Father- I’m dumbfounded by this one- Someone out there thinks that He’s a master sith that has been pulling strings for a long time trying to create the ultimate power for the universe- by making magical force babies… moving on.

Rey is a clone- of luke. From his severed hand… Ok? What would that help with this story. This one isn’t about the skywalkers anymore (hopefully)

Luke is the real villain- It’s called the last jedi. What if it’s called that because Luke becomes a crazed dark side dude bent on destroying the universe?

Snoke is Jar Jar- No, Please no. I would rather have my teeth pulled out than have that be true.

Han Faked his Death- Kylo force bent his lightsaber around Han… no. Just no.


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