Prologue:

Now, I know all of you are wondering why I would be interviewing Dungeon Masters, but let me explain: I interviewed Drum Majors, not Dungeon Masters. There was an audio file, but I did not feel as though it was of adequate quality to upload.

Chapter One:

As any horrifically bad interview should, I began with asking for the names of the Drum Majors; Tayla Skidgel and Andrew Hurst.

Chapter Two:

The next question I asked these DMs was what their quest was. Now, before you go guessing, I can assure you neither of them sought the Holy Grail, which I thought was rather disappointing. Tayla claimed that her quest was to seek excellence in all aspects of whatever the band does to this day. Andrew merely reiterated the same message, which sounds okay until you look into the details of it, at which point it still sounds good but also sounds like a lot of work.

Chapter Three:

The third question was to ask the Drum Majors is they could tell me the airspeed velocity of an un-laden European swallow. Unfortunately, they couldn’t.

Chapter Four:

Finally, I asked the Drum Majors what their jobs were. Tayla was the first to answer the question, saying their role on the field was described as being “a visual representation of the tempo of the song”, and they also help the Band Director with additional duties. Despite these additional duties, I think the name “Field Conductor” describes the roles of the Drum Majors better, since it doesn’t sound like a college graduate who specialized in knowledge (percussion) (int).

Chapter Five:

When asked how long the two of them had been doing it, I received a quick response stating that Tayla had been a Drum Major for two years, and Andrew has only been a Field Conductor for one year (this math is including the currently incomplete marching season as a year).

Chapter Six:

When asked to describe the marching band’s show for this year, Andrew started by describing the first movement of their “Well Suited” pun-titled show. That part representing Diamonds playing “Palladio”, followed by “March of the Scaffolds” for Spades, followed then by Clubs playing “Suit and Tie” by Justin Timberlake, and lastly by hearts, the part of the show where I was not told what was playing (this could be due to the director considering altering the movement).

Chapter Seven:

The next question, along with about the next five questions, could not be answered by Tayla since she is incapable of choosing a favorite anything, as evidence would show. However, the question asked to the Drum Major capable of answering questions asking for favorites was as follows: What is your favorite part of the show, in general? Now, this response actually answered the next two questions as well, and was roughly as follows: “The first movement”.

The reason given being that it was due to the astounding performance, musically, of the piece “Palladio”. So the Diamonds commercial is a favorite due to musical quality and energy in the piece, as described by Andrew. However, the “Clubs” movement also seemed to be liked, visually, due to a “dance” incorporated into the show.

Chapter Eight:

Finally a question that could only be answered by Andrew, as it calls for a favorite. This question, asking what Andrew’s favorite instrument sound was answered with “Trombone” and justified by “it being close to the human voice”, or something to that effect with more elaborate reasoning that I unfortunately cannot recall.

Chapter Nine:

Now for a question that can actually be answered by both Drum Majors, before returning to a few questions only one can answer, and then being placed into the “Silly Questions” category that will not be revealed because they are just silly, which was the point.

Anyhow, when asked who or what they attribute most of their success in band to, both of the Drum Majors (led by Tayla, in this case) responded with something close to “I would attribute my success to the good examples set by others” (this is not an exact quote).

Chapter Ten:

For the final serious question, I asked the Field Conductors what their fondest memories of band were. They didn’t seem to have particularly interesting response, since they both agreed that this year, being both their senior years, was the most fresh in their memory and therefore the strongest. They then justified this by explaining that, as this was their senior years, and those memories are the most probable to stay around through life.

Chapter Eleven:

I told these silly Drum majors that I would cut these questions! What fools to believe me!

Although I did cut these questions, and most of my jokes, so this article is over.